progressive deterioration

Destructively flourish in the silence that surrounds this madness. grapple with my own validity with thought of something beyond my control. So I count whats right in front of me. And focus on the system I've created. The precise arrangement gives me power. False power. I bow though when everyone claps. Ive played my part. But those times, I could picture myself melting into a thin layer of nothing in front of the crowd. My disguise finally off. But instead of the overflow of emotive reality, my response goes to the ones around me, until I can flee inside austere practices. and then i do disappear