all at once

i dont know what to do. i am being pulled in all directions and i'm not going to make it. i keep doing things to put off this inevitable breakdown. its going to end bad bc i cant deal with each thing as they come. its too much. i feel it, and then i run or drink or work out for 5 hours or starve or cut or......but then it all comes down. it feels like a building collasping on top of me. when will this stop. i cant breathe. i cant see. i want to end this. its not worth it. it never was.